The other day, Nate and I were having lunch in Orewa. I was really sick with a cold, and despite it being a sunny day, I was shivering on the walk to the cafe.

We joined the queue of people waiting to order lunch, behind a group of 3 older women. A moment later they left the queue, so Nate and I moved forward. Nate went to grab an orange juice out of the fridge, and just as he was coming back, I realised the women from earlier were standing behind us, because I heard this, and fairly loudly -

“We were in FRONT of them before!”

“I know, we were totally here first.”

“It doesn’t matter, I’ll just let it go…I guess I’m just too nice…”

When I heard that, I started laughing really hard. I couldn’t stop myself. Clearly, they were saying it loudly enough so that I would hear and would hopefully feel bad.

So inbetween laughing, I said loudly to Nate “Did you hear what those women behind us just said?”

Nate is not the type to engage in my little games, so he shook his head in an “ignore them and you shut up too” style and looked away.

I kept at it. “They LEFT the line! Then come back, and expect us to feel bad by talking loudly so we can overhear them! And she said she was being TOO NICE! Some people are such passive aggressive idiots.”

I mean, sure, I was doing it too. But at least they stayed quiet after that. Then, since I looked as sick as I felt, I coughed really loudly as I passed them after we made our order. I know thats completely classless, but it was kinda priceless at the same time. I have to turn to the little things to cheer me up when I’m feeling really sick.

(Like I am now. I have had bad cramps for 3 days, now. 3 days! Normally they pass after a day. I pretty much don’t know what to do with myself because it hurts so bad. I guess thats karma, although I like to think of myself as being the one dealing out the karma.)

Its hard to believe that yesterday, while doubling over from cramps and evacuating phleghm from my lungs, that I hadn’t had a dream in which Ben from Lost and Axl Rose were the same person, and were plotting to conquor the world. Oh, yesterday! How young and naive I was.

I guess the only thing more boring and overdone than telling other people your dreams, is writing about how boring and overdone it is, but please indulge me on this one. It was so realistic that this morning I came downstairs apprehensively, expecting to see Sebastian Bach knocking on my front door and threatening to kill me, once he realised that asking him to collect oranges from the shops for our cocktails was all part of my master plan to foil Axl and save the world. IT WAS THAT REAL!

(Note: I just checked my fruit bowl, and I HAVE an orange. Clearly, Sebastian is not that bright.)

Nate was on a bus, returning from some camp. I had already returned prior, for unknown reasons. Dreams are vague like that, they skip all reason and logic. The bus turned a sharp corner and flipped, appearing to fall down a huge crevice the size of the Grand Canyon! Oh my! But fear not, an message from Ben/Axl (Baxl) on the screen (what screen? Well apparently I was watching this in a movie) saying they were just joking! The bus hadn’t actually flipped, they were all safe and sound. Such relief! But alas, it was not to last. Ben/Axl…Baxl had a plan. You see, Baxl was dying of cancer, and had only days to live. And as such, they cared not whether they died today or tomorrow. So they were holding our dear bus-friends hostage, in a large steep cave, no less, and the only way they would be released…was if they received a seed to the cherry tree they so desired.

(Uh, cherry tree? Is that symbolic, much?)

One of my friends had a website masterminding how we would foil the plan, and there were only hours to go. Unfortunately, this is where the dream heads into EXTREME DREAM TERRITORY, where things only make sense in my mind and people bungee jump with the seed and somehow we had a brilliant plan up our sleeves. Our plan was ready. We awaited Baxl’s next message.

But, alas. It was not to be. Someone screwed up (possibly me) and Baxl did not receive the Message. (What Message? I have no idea, but apparently it was BAD.) Instead…Sebastian Bach received it! As, of course, he was opening for Baxl at the Guns’n'Roses concert that night, and the message ended up in his hands. So I invited him over for cocktails to discuss it, as apparently he had no clue what was going on either. I could tell he was easily seduced by my seductive (verb AND adjective! woo) looks and sultry voice, so he stayed for cocktails, and I subtly shut down the website detailing the Master Plan. But woe, I needed to call someone and tell them that the Message had gotten into the wrong hands, so I sent Sebastian off for oranges. He was happy to oblige, so beautiful and convincing was I, that he would cater to my every whim. I told him that one day he would understand the truth about how important the oranges really were.

I knew if he found out the truth, he would potentially kill me. So I quickly reloaded the website and tried to call my friend, who was in charge of the plan. No luck! I tried a bunch of other numbers, and no one was answering my phone calls. You know when you really have to pee in a dream, and suddenly every toilet is unavailable? It was like that. Just then, the doorbell rang. It was a girl delivering me an umbrella, apparently a present from my admirer, Sebastian. I have no idea what that had to do with anything, or why he was sending me presents while on a mission to find oranges. I have no idea what runs through that Sebastian’s mind, sometimes. I also have no idea why I’m referring to him as Sebastian when I almost always refer to him as Baz, but this seems like a dream that needs a little class added.

So, no luck with the phone calls. By that time, it was past the time that Axl had threatened to kill everyone if he hadn’t received the seed, and he hadn’t. So that was that.

PS OMG! What if the Message WAS the seed and Sebastian and I had had it in our hands the whole time! That blows my mind.